The word “just” is hurtful when motherhood isn’t at all what you thought it’d be...

• “Just relax.”

• “Just let your instincts guide you.”

• “Just calm down, moms have been doing this for ages.”

Has your transition to motherhood been fraught with worry, apprehensions, and nervous energy? Are you constantly on edge? Have you been preoccupied with upsetting concerns around your newborn’s needs or your ability to meet them?

Let’s be honest, motherhood comes with worry. You are responsible for the care and comfort of a brand new person. But that very big job is not meant to foster daily meltdowns or panic attacks.

If anxiety is hijacking your ability to bond and build a calm and loving connection, postpartum anxiety disorder might be getting in your way.

Never Heard of Postpartum Anxiety Disorder? You’re Not Alone

Most new moms are fairly familiar with postpartum depression (PPD), a disorder that has been the subject of much discussion for the last couple of decades. Celebrities and social media have given depression after birth ample space for discussion, which has significantly reduced the associated stigma.

Postpartum Anxiety Disorder (PAD), though, is not quite as well-known. Still, the disorder is thought to affect nearly 10 percent of new moms in the U.S. and Canada.

Why? Many factors seem to increase susceptibility to the disorder, such as:

• A history of anxiety

• Personal or family history of depression

• Previous difficulty with emotional symptoms of PMS

• Problems with disordered eating

• Issues with Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)

• Previous miscarriage or stillbirth

Often, the most obvious signs of a problem are excessive concern or worry, cycling or racing thoughts, poor concentration, hypervigilance, disrupted eating and sleeping, elevated heart rate, hot flashes, nausea, and persistent feelings of doom or dread. 

Unfortunately, to those on the outside, these symptoms can look like a bad case of new mom “nerves.” Which of course leads to advise that you just "calm down."

You must know you are not alone in this. 

Your experience is more common than you probably realize right now. Let’s explore what’s going on in your mind and how to find relief.

Why Can’t I Rein In These Thoughts?

If you’re like many moms, you are likely disturbed and distressed by the number of intrusive mental images and panic-inducing thoughts you can have in quick succession. Logically, you know that to worry incessantly about all potential calamities that befall your child is not healthy. 

A misstep seems inevitable, the responsibility feels enormous. The idea of harm coming to your baby at your own hands or from the outside world is overwhelming. You might think:

• Is my baby getting enough milk?

• What if my baby suffocates in the crib?

• Why do I feel like my baby is always too hot or too cold?

• How will I know if my baby has a life-threatening allergy?

• What if my baby is abducted or hurt by a stranger?

But what might be driving even more worry is your seeming inability to stop the flood of doom when it comes to your feelings about yourself:

• What do I do now that being a mom has become a long worrisome, nerve-wracking rollercoaster? 

• What if I repeatedly think about hurting my baby or giving them away?

• Why do I daydream about running away?

These are scary thoughts. In fact, that’s exactly what Karen Kleiman, author of Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts, calls such thinking.

It is important to recognize there is no judgment in the fact that these thoughts are dominating your thinking right now. Kleiman simply notes that they are part of the disorder. They are a symptom, not an assessment of your character. 

Thus, scary thoughts are not proof that you are a bad mother. They don’t signal that you are psychotic or “crazy.” You just feel that way. Who you really are is a mom concerned enough to recognize a problem. Give yourself credit for seeking an answer.

Right Now, “Just” Mothering your Baby, Means Sharing Your Struggles

Scary thoughts, the anxious tension in your body, and all of the other symptoms linked to PAD can feel so disruptive and out of the ordinary that you never really express how you feel. But avoidance is not the best option for an anxious mom. A more productive path to feeling better is available to you. Honest interaction and strong support are key.

What's most important now? That you reach out to people you trust. Help them understand what you’re dealing with. Then, consider a compassionate, experienced therapist for guidance.

I’m here to help. Let’s work together to put the myth of perfect motherhood behind you. Then,  you and your baby can start enjoying what’s just right for the two of you.

Please read more about perinatal therapy and contact me soon for a consultation.