Is the pandemic becoming a real problem inside your relationship? It's okay to admit it. You're not at all alone.

Most of us navigating COVID-19 with significant others are itching to share what we're feeling too. The truth is that, right now, the pressures on our relationships are strange and disquieting. Pandemics don't happen every day.

The sudden daily worries of illness, loss, financial burdens, everpresent homeschooling children, and so much more are realities that mix with constant waves of uncertainty about the future.

We call these new circumstances stressors. And if we let them, they can squeeze us and our significant others too tightly, pressuring us until we snap on each other, overwhelmed by tension and irritability.

Key Ways to Stay Close and Navigate Stressors Together

At first, figuring out how to prioritize and preserve your relationship it seems like one more thing to add to your plate. But that couldn't be further from the truth. This is the work that will bring hedges of joy, laughter, satisfaction, and peace to your world when pandemic pressures try to work their way in.

Life happens, pandemic or no pandemic. Use this historic era to tap into deeper wells of resilience and respect for your bond you may never have known existed. Here are some key ways to team up and stay strong:

1. Don't Let Silence Take Over

With such perilous times hemming you in, shutting down, shutting each other out, and withholding emotions can easily become coping techniques. You may even think you're doing each other a favour by attempting not to worry one another with your concerns.

However, when silence becomes a fallback, avoidance and isolation can creep in. Communication is crucial and must not be put aside. Make a point of checking in. Secure a communication routine in the same way you are attempting to develop new routines in other areas of your lives.

2. Upgrade the Quality of Your Conversations

Relationship expert Dr John Gottman touts the importance of stress-reducing conversations as a buffer from outside stressors. Beyond simply connecting verbally, engage empathetically in the following ways:

• Set aside 20 minutes or more to share your stress

• Take turns sharing and listening

• Share positives as well as negatives. Fully express your thoughts and feelings.

• Focus less on solving problems than sharing concerns to help melt tension

• Ask questions like these:

  • Will you share what upsets you most?

  • What don’t you like about the current circumstances?

  • Can you tell me what life is like for you right now?

  • What is the worst-case scenario in your mind?

  • How can I support you best?

  • What do you need most?

3. Give Each Other Some Grace

COVID-19 knocked us back with unexpected interference in our daily lives. Scary changes and frightening impositions require a huge amount of mental and emotional flexibility.

Be kind and try not to sink into negativity and blame. Give each other the benefit of the doubt, even when it seems that your partner is purposely trying to irritate you. Adapting and adjusting to pandemic life takes time. Relax and let some things go.

3. Make Gratitude Your Relationship Super Power

Life is hard, but it's rarely all bad. Sometimes we miss the good that pressure can create in relationships. Discussing the stressors you're facing with a sense of gratitude helps shape how you see your bond and its benefit to you both.

In a time when so many are at risk, lonely, and uncertain, navigating tough times together can be invaluable, even empowering. Why not come together at mealtimes or before bed to bring to mind a few daily highlights?

4. Give Each Other Some Space

Boundaries matter in every relationship. Now, with life feeling so out of control, relationship limits and guidelines can be important and stabilizing. Talk about what you need to feel supported, respected, and encouraged as individuals. Time to yourselves for self-care and reflection can help improve your ability to communicate well and work well as a team.

5. Rediscover and Rekindle Relationship Joys

Interrupt mental energy devoted to anxiety. Focus mindfully on things that please you and pique your interests. Ease the sense that you are cooped-up or forced to be together by intentionally exploring each other on multiple levels. Check-in on the dreams and hopes you may not have shared lately.

Also, don't underestimate the importance of touch and intimate moments. A kiss in the hallway or a cuddle in the middle of the day is an effective tension-buster. Even short naps together or showers together can reduce stress levels pleasurably. 

Relieve Stress with Therapy

Committing to professional support is a powerful step for many couples right now. Social distancing in the outside world needn't lead to emotional distancing in your relationship. Working with a couples counsellor can strengthen a weakening bond and help keep a strong one secure.

Pandemic pressures are real. But so are solutions to the strain. Please read more about couples therapy and call me soon for a consultation.  I am here to lend solid support for you, your partner, and your relationship.