When you think of postpartum depression and the moods you might be managing, several likely come to mind. You might be fighting fatigue, those around you aren't surprised by your sadness. You might even expect to deal with waves of hopelessness or powerlessness at times.

Irritability is a mood we're likely to hear less about. 

Why? Perhaps it seems incongruous with the sad, mournful picture we associate with postpartum depression. An irritable mom may seem like a less sympathetic figure, so we just don't talk about this aspect of PPD.

How unfair to suffering moms and families! Acknowledging this difficult symptom is actually the best way to deal with it. Moms will feel more supported, partners can get retain more insight and understanding, and families can become more emotionally safe.

If it feels like you can't get a handle on irritability and must hide it, PPD will only become a source of shame.

So, let's look at PPD irritability closely and what can be done to help you cope:

Accept What Irritability May Be Telling You

Are you feeling overwhelmed?

Postpartum depression is often an internal battle. Outward expressions of irritation, then, may be a clue to  underlying emotions you don’t know how to access or handle.

Rather than feeling low or sad at times, you may lash out. This may actually be a reaction to the sense of powerlessness. At that moment, your irritable reaction can give you a sense of control.

Or your irritability may be another way to withdraw (as is common during depression). Using anger, you could be keeping your partner or baby at a distance.

Of course, you may be simply having trouble regulating your response to a host of simultaneous emotions such as disappointment, guilt, isolation, or a perceived lack of appreciation by your family members.

If you’ve started to realize that irritability is a problem for you and your family, there's no shame in seeking help. Let's consider some of the best ways to cope:

How to Manage Postpartum Irritability

Acknowledge Your Internal Struggle

Do take me time to breathe and accept that irritability and depression, of any type, often go hand in hand.  You are definitely not alone and there is hope to resolve this common PPD symptom.

Take time to look at your irritability as one of many symptoms. Acknowledge all of your emotions and how they're fueling each other. Consider the reality that your emotions are part of your PPD and need to be addressed in total. There is no shame or embarrassment in that. In fact, acknowledging the situation honestly is an at of loving self-acceptance. Pay attention to other possible signs and symptoms of PPD you might be experiencing. If you have more than one symptom, the best thing you can do is to seek professional help.

Unfortunately, many women tend to feel embarrassed when they’re dealing with postpartum depression. Or, they think they can get through it on their own. You’ll have a much easier time when you seek the help of a professional. Plus, you can get through the struggles plaguing you at a much faster rate.

Pay Attention to Your Thoughts and Body

To temper your irritability, pay mindful attention to yourself instead of the irritants around you. Notice what's happening in your mind and in your body.  Try to tune out a crying baby or nagging partner. Slow down escalating or racing negative thoughts. Release the tension in your forehead, jaw, and shoulders. Breathe deeply and try to become more in tune with what your body is telling you. After all, you know it better than anyone else!

Lean on Trusted Loved Ones for Understanding and Accountability

The sadness and frustration fostered by postpartum depression can be hard to rein see clearly or rein in without some outside perspective. This is why it is crucial that you share with trusted love ones. Let them know what's going on with you during a calm period and ask for their support.

Let them know how you are suffering and share that it can be difficult to react to tough moments appropriately. Share that their love and support can be helpful as you know they will be firm, kind, and truthful when gets the best of you.

Also, be sure to make any amends necessary if your irritability has hurt anyone you love.

Make Meditation, Reflection, and Relaxation Daily Musts

This isn't easy when you're a new mom. In fact, at first, it may feel more like frustration to think about setting aside time to be still and quiet. But, consider the alternative. Going on, with no time for yourself or your thoughts, can lead to such anger and physical tension that you could lose your relationships, health, and time you can't get back with your family.

You need time to think. You need time to reflect and gain insight into your symptoms and their triggers. And you need time not to think. Find quiet, comfortable times and places to do all three routinely. 

Share with loved ones that you need this time and find ways to schedule it. If you're honest about your PPD and your goal to be less irritable they are very likely to support such time away.

Note: give yourself a break!

Learning to slow down and scan your thoughts for the sake of improving irritability takes time. Give yourself some grace as you learn to consciously tune in to your mind and body. In time, you'll learn meditation and techniques that work well for you.

Seek Professional Support

 To manage any of your PPD symptoms, professional guidance is key. Finding relief and .

Take irritability seriously but not shamefully. When you start to feel irritated or angry it's time to reach out. Don't stuff or hide your feelings. Look for ways to express them productively and restore calm.

A good place to start is with a  compassionate experienced therapist. Therapy is a helpful way to deal with "negative" emotions in a non-judgemental space. There, you can alleviate your anger and regain control with guidance and in lasting ways. Combined with perinatal therapy for PPD, this guidance can bring you so much relief. And you can be the partner and aren't you want to be.

Let's meet soon to talk. Feel free to contact me soon. Together we can work through how you can take better care of yourself and your new baby.