5 Ways to Empower Your Strong-Willed Child
If a child is called "strong-willed," it is often not done so with the best of intentions. For most, having a strong-willed child is synonymous with being difficult. However difficult it may be for parents, this is not quite the negative experience it is made out to be. Strong-willed children are often highly courageous, free-spirited, and independent. Parenting, in general, is hard. For those who deal with daily power struggles, it is just a matter of learning how to work with their strengths.
Before discussing how to empower your strong-willed child, let's go over some signs that your child might be one.
Signs Of A Strong-Willed Child
They may throw temper tantrums - It can be tempting to have a knee-jerk reaction to their outbursts of anger. Or to play it off as if they are overreacting. To them, whatever is causing this outburst is very real and serious to them.
Stubbornness - Their downright refusal to do certain things can be highly frustrating—especially after you've already had a long day or are preparing for one.
They Ask "Why" A Lot - This is the child that does not just accept the default replies parents will give. Ones such as, "Because I said so," or "That's just the way it is." They always question you or the decisions that you make with them.
5 Ways To Empower Your Strong-Willed Child
A strong will is a powerful gift when that energy is refined and honed. The following tips can be used as a general basis to help you parent your child in a way that doesn't make you both want to lose your minds.
1. Make Them Feel Heard And Understood
If you are in a power struggle with your child, don't just brush their reactions off. They are more likely to want to listen to you as an authority figure if they feel as if you also respect their opinions and voice. They won't feel so combative if they feel as if you are taking them more seriously.
2. Work With Their Strengths
Each child has unique gifts that help them see the world differently. When you have a strong-willed child, their passions and what they want often seem as if they can overpower you as the parent. Work with them to set reasonable expectations for what you want. Balance that with your needs, as well.
3. Make Consequences Clear Or Give Them Choices
If you are in a power struggle with them and they just won't let go of being stubborn about something, you should make sure it is clear that you are still the parent. Let me know that they are crossing a line and that there are consequences to being so defiant against what you ask them.
You don't have to go into a full-blown speech with them. However, you can try to go into more detail with them about why it's important that they do something they asked—beyond the, "Because I'm the adult and you're the child, what I say goes!" Nothing can irritate an already fiery child more than hearing this.
Give them a choice. Let them feel as if they are in control, too. For instance, if they refuse to unload the dishwasher, tell them they have more options. Tell them they can unload the dishwasher, take the garbage out, or do another task.
4. Try Not To Make Too Many Rules
A strong-willed child will often balk at the idea of too many rules to follow. Decide the most important ones in the grand scheme, and set those boundaries. If going to bed by 9 pm is non-negotiable, make that so. But if they insist on wanting to pick out their own outfits to wear, let them do that. Pick and choose your battles.
5. Try Child Counseling
If you are overwhelmed with parenting your strong-willed child, don't panic. As a licensed therapist, I am trained to help both parents and children come to more peaceful resolutions. Reach out to us soon to learn more about child therapy or anxiety therapy for yourself as a parent.