How to Cope with Feelings of Failure and Underachievement

Unfortunately, feelings of failure are a natural part of life. It's common to face setbacks and feel we aren't enough. After all, we live in a society that heavily favors success and perfectionism.

Feeling as if we aren't living up to the expectations and standards set by others and ourselves can make us feel really low about ourselves. It's not easy to cope with feelings of failure and underachievement when you feel so much pressure to constantly succeed.

If you struggle with low self-esteem and feelings of failure, know you aren't alone. Everyone will deal with these types of feelings, whether they want to admit it or not. Fortunately, as challenging as it may be, you can take small steps to break this negative cycle.

How to Deal With Feelings of Failure

1. Remind Yourself Life Isn't A Competition

We constantly compare ourselves to other people. Whether it's on social media or looking at the people in our day-to-day lives, we find ourselves sizing ourselves up against those we perceive to have it all together.

One of the first steps to coping with feelings of failure and underachievement is to let go of the urge to compare yourself. The journey others are on has nothing to do with your own worth. Their successes and achievements do not mean your accomplishments are not valuable. Run your own race.

2. Let Yourself Grieve

We often think of grief as the feelings you go through when you lose a loved one or pet. However, we can grieve for many more reasons than that. Grief is what we go through when there is a loss of something, anything.

Allow yourself to grieve over the loss of what you didn't succeed at. Let yourself feel sadness when you don't accomplish what you set out to do. When you face a major roadblock, you might try to push the unpleasant feelings away. However, doing this doesn't make these feelings go away. Instead, they boil and fester inside of you, taking a toll on your mental health. Acknowledging your feelings, as challenging as it can be, is a great beginning step to overall healing.

3. Remember, You Aren't Alone

When we don't succeed at something, we often compare ourselves to what other people have accomplished. We look at the lives of others and feel as if we will never measure up. It's not uncommon to feel like we are the only person we know struggling with obstacles and setbacks.

This isn't the case at all. Yes, other people's achievements are often showcased tremendously. But they also aren't putting their failures out there, are they? When you feel that nothing you do is measuring up, remember you aren't alone. Everyone will fail at some point.

4. Learn From the Past

At the beginning of this post, we mentioned that failure is part of life. It's inevitable. When you think about the greatest inventions of all time, do you think the inventor got it right at the first shot? If you only focus on the finished product, you miss the necessary failure it took to achieve it.

Our failures and underachievements should feel like that. When you make a mistake and don't accomplish something, don't look at it as a failure. Instead, view it as a stepping stone. What can you control to do better in the future? What lessons have you learned from things not going as planned?

If you are struggling with your self-esteem, don't hesitate to reach out to us to learn more about anxiety treatment. We can help you on your journey of showing more kindness and understanding toward yourself.